What We're Like As A Wedding Couple

As you read the upcoming posts -- which will inevitably entail details of my wedding since it began a 20-hour-a-week job -- just know the following:

• Neither of us are "wedding people." I get excited hearing about my friends' plans, but I don't watch the plethora of shows and I didn't grow up with a diary devoted to my wedding day. Hell, I go in to each vendor meeting with such a variety ideas of what I'd be happy with that they probably wish I was one of those women who had all the details decided before they got engaged.
• I hate event planning -- a reason why I have complete respect for event planners. Thankfully, I have project management skills at work, so I efficiently stay on schedule, stay calm and don't overburden Brian with details; I go to him on what we need. I'm also great at assigning tasks so I stay sane. Still, I promptly hired a day-of coordinator so I don't have to be point-person when shit hits the fan. 
• Food and photography are our priorities. 
• We're planning a friggin' awesome party.
• Our honeymoon will kick ass. 

Stay tuned ...

What's Up Since September and Why I'm Elated and Bitter

Yikes! I last wrote in September, right before I started my new job. Here's what's been going on (although anyone reading this most likely knows):

• I started my new job Sept. 13 and love it. I feel like I'm in the right place at the right time in my career, and it's a great feeling. 
• I turned 30 a few days later.
• We took a fantastic trip to San Francisco and Napa Valley at the end of September ...
• ... And got engaged Oct. 2 on our last night there alongside a vineyard at dusk and right before a dinner at French Laundry.
• We spent the month of October desperately searching for a wedding venue --- vineyard, barn, etc. -- that was available in 2011 in Southwest Michigan or Sonoma, Calif.
• I got virtually no sleep the month of October because of this. 
• After much turmoil for multiple reasons, we decided on the one place in Chicago we imagined ourselves getting married and signed the contract Nov. 3 for a Friday night wedding in September 2011. 
• We are in full-out wedding-vendor immersion. Brian has hit a wall but has worked through it; I'm handling it well thanks to my project management skills. We're still trying to regulate our relatives.

That weekend we got engaged was one of the happiest in my life. Not only did we have a fantastic few days wine tasting, cycling and touring Napa Valley after a great night out in SF, but the guy I'm head over heels for officially picked me to marry him. I remember thinking that if the wedding left me 1/10 as happy as I was that weekend, I'd still consider myself the luckiest woman alive.

And then the most f-ing stressful and hurtful month began.

See, we did it the old fashioned way and didn't book a venue or pick a date ahead of time, which I still am happy with. But it lead to problems above of not being able to find a date within 18 months of our engagement. 

Then we shared with our families our desire to get married in Sonoma, Calif. Both sides of the family had members tell us -- coincidentally in the same words! -- "If you get married in California, don't expect anyone to come."

Part of the concern came from family who referenced members wouldn't be able to afford it. No one cared that we had set aside money to pay for or at least largely pay for those people who we knew truly were unable.Another part of the complaint was that people just wanted a Chicago wedding so it would be easier for them -- a place they've wanted to visit.

And many of the people complaining didn't do an airfare or hotel check to realize that it would be cheaper to be a guest at our destination wedding than a Chicago wedding. But whatever, no one would consider coming, we were told.

Now, Brian and I are both independent adults used to making our own decisions. But I want you to try to plan a wedding and completely ignore the thought of having no one show up to your wedding out of spite.

It was a horrible pall that was cast over what's supposed to be an exciting time -- not to mention hurtful. Both Brian and I really took those words to heart. The way I describe it, it was the equivalent to someone saying, "If you do X, don't expect anyone to come to your funeral." There are other ways to convey concern or frustration, no?

The ironic part is that the family and friends who could afford the trip the least (and who they didn't know we would have helped pay) were the most supportive and never, if they did feel inconvenienced, let on. Brian and I will always remember that -- hell, it's how we got through October. 

Ultimately we decided to not do California to not put anyone in a financially difficult situation. We ran the numbers and decided the cost of travel once we put up everyone or covered flights would get high and decided to go with Chicago. Little did we know that Chicago is such an expensive place to get married that we could have PAID for the VIPs who needed the help to come AND had the size and location wedding we wanted. But that's OK. It'll be great.

I get excited about our wedding, and ultimately all the decisions we're making are the ones we want. I know it'll be great. But I'm having a really difficult time getting over how hurtful our families were and that we had to give up the wedding we wanted.

It's not their fault. It's just hard to forget.

I'll write about the exciting fun stuff later.