View from our rooftop after tonight's storm
I made two decisions recently:
1) Don't rush into my next job.
2) Book a trip to Italy.
The first comes after realizing I have the means to take the time off, so I'm going to. I have a little bit of a cushion in terms of finances, and I want to take a job that will make me really, really happy and give me what I'm passionate about.
The second is part of the above: Get away! Stimulate the senses! Take an adventure by myself and do what I want!
I booked an apartment for two weeks in Florence to sink my teeth in and use it as a base for day trips. Of course my time is filling up more than I wanted, but I'm doing my best to strike a balance between being on the road and layzing around -- specifically sitting in a cafe wearing a cute outfit while sipping an espresso, people watching and and writing my travel thoughts on napkins.
That's what I like to do when I travel. I don't have to be digesting a textbook worth of history or get led around by a jovial tour guide, although both can be fun. Instead, my number one goals it to find a neighborhood cafe that will become part of my daily routine -- a place where I can scribble (I'm constantly composing in my head when I travel solo) and then photograph it before I leave. The photo will inevitably stand in whatever my next work desk is, and I'll think back to those carefree hours I spent composing and drifting and daydreaming about Brian back home.
I'm going without Brian because, on a basic level, I have the time off of work for vacation and he doesn't. But I didn't let the sad thought of being without him for two weeks (did I mention I tear up when I think about it for more than 10 seconds?) stop me from going because I need an adventure. He's still invited but not without my getting time to myself to do what I want and just.get. lost. I used to travel solo all the time! And while I wouldn't trade my travels with Brian for anything, I miss going at it on my own.
I might look back on 2010 and say the year I turned 30 was crazy: illness, a layoff, a bad-fit job, a spur-of-the-moment trip to Italy and who knows what else. But it's all good, and for that I'm lucky. Heck, getting laid off worked well because I wanted to move on in my career and hadn't found a job worth quitting for; getting so sick convinced me to eat organically as much as possible and get off the cray triathlete track; and that job that didn't work out told me to reject a position that didn't have what I'm passionate about: creative editorial.
Of course, my good attitude wouldn't be possible without the financial turnaround I experienced in the past year, supportive friends and the most encouraging boyfriend you could possibly imagine. Yeah, a year ago, my debt was so high God only knows what job I would have stuck with just to pay the bills. And those friends who I consider family? They said "Good for you!" and "I'm impressed!" when I told them I chose unemployment and devoted a chunk of my severance to Italy.
I never had to defend myself. You know how big of a difference that makes? It means not sounding stressed when I tell my story, walking taller and sleeping better at night. It's nice when you don't have to take a fuck-ya'll-I'm-doin'-it-and-I'll-prove-it's-the-right-move mentality.
Brian wants me to do what will make me happy and has supported me 1000%. How could I not walk on air when I have him behind me? I leave the country knowing we keep getting stronger -- and this will make us stronger too.
So despite being a little in flux, life is good, and I'm genuinely happy.
2010 Part II: Bring It On.
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